Vegan & Gluten-Free Birthday Cake by Granny

Vegan & Gluten-Free Birthday Cake by Granny


Hello, everybody. I have wonderful news. A video that I made a number of months ago
about making a birthday cake for my grandson is finally ready. And I’m about to show it to you. Here you go. Hello the InnerTube. Today I’m going to attempt a fucking miracle. A damn cake with no eggs, no flour, and no
butter. You see, my grandson’s birthday is coming
up and I always bake him a cake. Lately, he’s gone a little trendy with his
diet. Glutton-free and vegan. Are you fucking kidding me! I was halfway to mixing this when he called me
to tell me this. Hmmm, okay! Here we go. Don’t need these! First it was the juice cleanse, and then it
was the monkey diet, paleo something or other, but lately he says glutton-free and no animal
products. Whatever. I’m not sure about this whole glutton-free
craze. I don’t know. Maybe it’s some sort of weight-loss thing? Maybe I could try it. Get rid of my big fat ass. I know people have been trying new diets for
decades, but Satan suck a dick, that is just so tough on a Granny’s baking skills. I do love him, though, so I searched the innerwebs
for a recipe. Let’s get started. I’ll just go over some of these wonderful
ingredients in this recipe (recipe in comments, too). Coconut or soy milk, your choice. Heat it up a little bit. Then we’re gonna pour this chocolate in. Oh, dark, unsweetened chocolate. YUUUUUMMMM! Then some vanilla, we’ve got some xantham gum,
just a little bit of brown sugar, not too much. Oh, and some sorghum flour. No glutton in this. Little cinnamon, little ginger, little dab
o’ salt, little dab of cornstarch. You know what the secret to this cake is? Organic pumpkin! Can you fucking believe? Pumpkin and chocolate instead of eggs and
butter. Really! This is gonna be the tits [while stirring]. EEuuuwwww, this looks like runny dog shit.
[music interlude, soft guitar picking] I better think about how to put some frosting on this
gross piece of shit if it ever bakes up. [music interlude, soft guitar picking] Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch! This doesn’t smell like dog shit. I’ll be damned. That’s not too fuckin’ bad. Make that sorta look like a little flower. There we go. That . . . that is fucking fine! Well, that’s a weird-ass one on me. [little giggle] A fucking birthday cake with no glutton, and
no eggs, and no butter. He’s gonna be so fuckin’ happy. Nothing says love like your Granny baking
you a fine-ass birthday cake. [tastes] Mmmmm. Glutton-free, my ass. That’s fucking delicious. And remember, everybody, Granny loves you. I love YOU. MWAH! [music interlude, soft guitar picking]

100 thoughts on “Vegan & Gluten-Free Birthday Cake by Granny

  1. I like the Gluten-Free movement because my mother, who has celiac disease, can finally eat at restaurants without her intestinal tract shutting down. I don't want my mother to die from being starved to death by effers who don't want to accommodate genuine allergies & other ailments. But those who just want to be trendy…effing whatever. The only good thing it did was make more restaurants GF friendly. I understand & appreciate your candor even as you love your grandson enough to give it a try!

  2. Thank you grandma! I have celiac disease so gluten makes me super fucking sick. So thanks for making this weird, fine ass cake!

  3. You're a woman after my own heart. I love my grandchildren just as much, and I wish I had a show like yours, where I can express myself just like you, without worrying about being politically correct.

  4. That would be a hard nope. I'm going to have a real cake. One time I was out of an ingredient and I substituted whatever it was with heavy cream and it was the most decadent cake ever. A cake is not a cake without dairy or eggs.

  5. Most of the video I find on your channel, are vegan food. This channel should be called Granny VeganMouth. But again, that doesn't fit a badass grandma like her! Grandma: FUCK THE WORLD WITH THE POWER OF MY TITS! Me: Oo, this is gonna be the tits!

  6. Aw, Granny, you're awesome! And I make vegan cakes with no yukky eggs (hen's periods, yuk!) and zero puss filled dairy products in my recipes, and they are delicious.

  7. β€œSatan suck a dick”, This is gonna be the tits!”,
    and β€œOoh! This looks like runny dog shit!” had me about to fall out of my chair from laughing so damn hard.

    Granny’s Rated R Cooking Show, coming soon to HGTV! Lol.

  8. Hilarious Granny!! You talk like we all wish we could! This younger generation are all on these strange diets and are making cooking for family get togethers difficult! lol!! I will definitely try this recipe!! Thanks!!

  9. I did not know what I stumbled upon but granny talking about satan sucking dick? I guess I came to the right place

  10. Found out yesterday that I’d need this cake from now on lol highly intolerant to cows milk and eggs πŸ˜‚ it sucks😭

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