“Chocolate Cake Made Me Late” – Gabriel Iglesias


One night… I got eleven cakes Eleven And I took em home cause I was local And that’s a fight no one has ever had at
three o’clock in the morning No one Cause you don’t just walk into the
house with eleven cakes You make some noise, you know? Fricken… And I walk in with the last two cakes And my girlfriend is in the kitchen What the hell is this?! I’m trying to be cute It’s a bakery Where did you get this cake? The people at the show brought it baby Are you gonna eat all of? Well eventually… Not gonna do it in one hit you know? Freakin two days later… Clear! How do you know someone isn’t trying to poison you? I’m like with cake? Are you serious? What is it? Like you live by the cake you
die by the cake, you know? So we’re going back and forth arguing at
three o’clock in the morning We wake up our kid And here he comes Into the kitchen… What’s going on? You guys are arguing… Where did the cake come from? The people at the show brought it Tell them I said thank you I’ll tell em you said thank you How come they give you cake? Cause ten years ago I did a joke where I said I love chocolate cake And now people give me cake You should say you love transformers… I’ll start doing it, alright? So we’re going back and forth My girl’s like put em to bed I go you gotta go to sleep Frankie And he’s like…. You want some cake? Yeah So I grabbed one of the eleven cakes That someone brought It was like a little one A little Walmart one With a plastic cover and the sticker and the seal So I knew it was cool So it’s a little cake and I handed it to him I go, here! He goes, a piece? I go no dude it’s a little
cake you can have the whole thing And the look that came over his face… Was like he got a gift from God I said here And he’s like… Take it you’re room Next morning I go to take him to school He’s in the bathroom crying right? You ok? My stomach Too much cake? Yeah… Was it good? Hell yeah I’ll meet you in the car 15 minutes later he comes out to the car He’s all sweating Get in the car and.. 45 minutes late to school… Usually when I drop him off It’s like on the side of the school 10 minutes early or right on the dot It’s nice they set up cones There’s a supervisor to make sure your kid Gets out of the car okay But when you’re late There’s nobody there So I figured, why leave him on the side of the school? I’ll just drop him off in front You’re not supposed to do that… I didn’t know and I don’t really care
we’re late We’re late Go! Gabriel I’m not supposed… Just go! So he cracks the door And from out of nowhere Here comes the principal And I know that’s who it is because he’s losing it It’s the principal It’s the principal I’m like dude relax… I’m 32, I don’t give a damn! Here comes the principal… Sir? Sir? This is not the designated drop-off area Please take your child to the other side
of the school You cannot leave him here I was like watch this That’s how you do it homeboy, that’s how you do it! That principal was amazing Cause she was like

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